The moments ticked by slowly and the the hours felt like a life time. I sat in my room most days and nights crying waiting for the pain to end. I prayed day in and day out but I found no relief. You see I was pregnant with my first child and little did I know this experience would dramatically change my life.
I always knew pregnancy was going to change my life but little did I know it would help shape my view and perspective of life. I was diagnosed with Hypermesis Gravidarum . In short, it is sever vomiting and dehydration and it’s very debilitating. HG not only deprives you of the nutrients you need but you are in constant stomach pain and it’s an all day/night event. HG sent me to the hospital 5 times where I was hooked up to fluids and zolfran until I felt stable. I look back now knowing my situation could have been a worse fate but in those moments it’s hard to see past your own pain.
Throughout the course of pregnancy, I cried out to God with no reply. I became angry at the state He had left me in and wondered if He cared. My attempts to be positive at my condition were like a roller coaster. I then noticed my heart becoming hopeless, defeated and broken. I knew in my heart that is when I needed to reach out to God the most even when I just didn’t want too. As I started to pray more consistently and talk with my husband I started to here God. This is what he said to me ….
“Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness”…..for when I am weak then I am strong”
2 Corinthians 12: 9 & 10 became my mantra over those months and it was the only thing God spoke to me. My anger burned more as I became frustrated with His one sentence reply. You see, I didn’t understand what God was teaching me in those moments and I’m not even sure if I fully understand why everything happened the way it happened now.
What I do know from my experience is this…
I was given grace! In a season of complete suffering, I was being taught to rejoice in my sufferings and persevere. My character grew as I started to understand Gods unconditional love, grace, sacrifice for another being, and thankfulness. I started to count the blessings in my life such as zolfran, my husband and many other comforts I had in my life.
If you were to ask me what I think Grace is now, after going through this journey, I would tell you this:
- Grace isn’t always taught in a pleasurable way
- His Grace extends beyond deepest measures
- Grace is a beautiful gift from God
- God doesn’t always heal you and this is also Grace. Why? Because it teaches you how to be humble, to not expect, demand or pout to get your way. It shapes your character!!
Do you have a grace story you would like to share? Please comment to let me know what Grace means to you!
More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, – Romans 5:3-4