In March 2018 I became pregnant with my first sweet baby boy. My husband and I were joyful and super excited for what laid ahead. I remember the day I took a bite of a watermelon and felt my first “Morning sickness.” However, what I didn’t realize was the massive turn that moment brought on. Morning sickness turned into all day sickness which made it difficult to keep anything down. After the first trimester was over, I started to worry something was wrong with me…22 weeks hit and I messaged my midwife asking if being sick and constantly throwing up was normal.
I eventually went to the hospital where they diagnosed me with Hyperemesis gravidarum…something that didn’t end until 2 days after my baby was born. I spent countless day/nights crouched in pain…unable to drink or eat food because it would just come back up. I vomited ever 2-5 minutes….not exaggerating…and sometimes dry heaved over the toilet. I took zolfran to help ease the pain but the dizzy migraines were massive. I cried everyday because the pain was excruciating. I went to the hospital 5 times to receive IV fluid just so I could function…I should have gone more times but I didn’t want to be seen as weak.
There were days I didn’t know how I’d survive and finally after battling feeling ill for so long and feeling so weak the devil tempted me to end everything…
I didn’t because a human life is not up for debate. I knew that this baby was a gift from the Lord. I knew that his body was not my body and I was his protector..his green house to thrive and grow…I knew it wasn’t his fault I was in pain and I knew I would never end the life of my own baby…even if it meant my life was in jeopardy. That’s the thing about creating life..you learn to die to yourself daily…sacrificing your wants and needs so the sweet baby you created thrives. His life was not up for debate because it inconvenient me physically, financially, and emotionally. I knew the “easy way” was not easy and it was a lie formed to insult God and to create further pain and sadness. My husband and I prayed and God reiterated that he never does something without reason. Throughout the pregnancy he gave me the verses 2 Corinthians 12:8-10:
“Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
I hated those verse to be honest but I get it now. God doesn’t call us to do the easy work…He calls us to do the hard, painful work. There is so much joy and beauty if we learn how to endure the hard challenges and trust in Him!! Fast forward to today…My little boy is now three and he is one of the most caring, kindest kids on the planet. He says hi to everyone in the supermarket and cares for those who are sad. The joy that flows through his smile is contagious and I know I could never live life without him….And you know something If I’m sick in the next pregnancies to come ill take the hard way ever day…because I know my God is with me…and my baby’s life is worth it. In many ways my body is still healing but it was 100x% worth it to have my sweet boys..My goal isn’t to convince you if abortion is right or wrong but to encourage you to embrace the hardships and to not be afraid of the unknown. To make sure you won’t regret a life altering decision…Thanks for reading!